what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
