My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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