i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
