Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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