i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
