my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
