the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We need to rekindle our bromance
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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