i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
