Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
