Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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