I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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