can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Come see our sink grown plant.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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