I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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