i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
