Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
