third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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