Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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