We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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