Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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