why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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