My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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