a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
