We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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