My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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