I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
