cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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