Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
