How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
