Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
