how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
