Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
