Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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