I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
