i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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