I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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