So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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