i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
