i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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