I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
