Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think your dad took our porno
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
