Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
