Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
