I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
