I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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