Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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