Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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