i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
