I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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