six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
