What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
