We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I deserve this hangover.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
