did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
