Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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