We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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