the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize