I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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