i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
