It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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