girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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