he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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