His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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