i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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