paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Terrible idea I love it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
