The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
