So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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