woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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