the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
