I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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