I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We just shotgunned beers for America
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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